Mid life crisis!

19 months into my Phd and it suddenly hits me that I still don't have any clue of what I am doing here. Things are even more unclear than it was before I came here. and no fancy aspirations attract me these days...and the world around me seems to be rushing to the finish line. Despite not knowing what awaits them there, I still feel left out. Friends are getting married, people are settling down in life and my life seems to be stuck to 14/06 and gtalk. No aspirations, no sense of achievement and life seeming to worsen day by day...I now understand what mid life crisis is, despite having not even reached 30!

U know something is wrong when....

• family and friends seem less important than a 5 percent weighted quiz
• ur biggest gulity pleasure is a 10 minute mid night stroll
• a simple morning walk seems to breath fresh life into ur soul
• when every non quiz afternoon ends up in celebration lunch
• Any grade above a 'D' seems as gud as an ' A'
• u succumb to the temptation of ur harem on the eve of an imp exam..Especially highlighted by the fact that the seductress is a book of Essays!!!

thats when u realise that life as you knew it has ceased to exist...that u have been WIMWIsed...

Questions about the insignificance of one's actions.

The unbearable lightness of being...OR IS IT REALLY SO LITE??that would be one thing I can accept after a drunken stupor in the wee hours of morning ..something when I am wasted and not normal...anywayz not in my rite senses.. To ppl who say decisions dont bind, I just ask --are they so light so as to belittle its significance in the longer run...IS ONCE REALLY NONCE?? Then the decision maker in question is just as insignificant and unworthy of existing as the decision itself...

Three to tango...

Just watched Three to Tango..."chandler' as usual rocks...But what struck me most was the chemistry between Neve Campbell and Mathew Perry...absolutely gawwwd level..Especially loved the scene where Neve Campbell and Matthew Perry watches the Tv movie.Afterwards,when she asks him to stay and they go to sleep , Matthew hugs her .Both of them are awake but cant see each other.The million dollar smile that comes on her face is priceless..My first reaction was ... "this sure gonna go in my blog" :)...Anywayz neve campbell,chandler and the million dollar smile has found its way into my top fav on screen romantic moments ...gusshoww...

the story of my life... Part I

ambitions without conviction,convictions without reason and reasonings with no future...in short a piece of art only a genius could script...:) that has been the story of my life so far...I know ppl who now say "Shawn was one who always knew what he wanted...and look at him now...thats what i call dedication"..those basically are my close friends who know me well and are trying to improve my reputation or the ones who just think they know me well(incase one of you actually reads this,,,guyzz u are way off target)..to confess to u all I never knew what I wanted nor am I any more enlightened even now..all that steadfastidness was just a farce ..crap i used to practise with prefection to hide that I dreaded responsibilities..not that I fooled everyone..i know some of you could read through me...To the ones who could not ,this confession,this deviation from the central theme of this blog is just to let you know that I now have worked up the courage to accept this fact...but that in now way implies that I have changed..This sarcastic self defamation is just to proclaim the fact that I consider even this confession to be a big achievement ,especially for a person whose life revolves around just himself ...

a poem to start it all

Reminiscences

I still remember the day u caught my eye,
I still remember the day u first said hi;
Though its been a while since we said bye,
I might still remember it all till i die;

For,
I loved the way u looked,
even more the way u cooked;
Beauty and brains , u seemed the right mix
a level headed girl , the perfect chick;
we had a lot in common it seemed,
from the wild streak we both always had,
to the things we both loved and hated
what more did we ever want?

Though now its been a while,
and distance between us many a mile;
Still fresh in my mind are all the stupid things we both did
all the mochas and chatter,especially the latter,
and pink floyd and vodka(still my fav drink),for that matter,
And again all the trips we planned but never took
and all the books we bought but never read
and the crazy ideas we both hatched
enuf to drive all our friends mad;

I still think about all of it once a while
while i stray down the roads of our midnight strolls
or gaze at the windows of the CoffeeDay down the road ;
Memories keep flooding while i sit ,
eating at the silent haunts we once used to dine,
the smoky cellars where we once used to drink,
hearing the songs which made us think,
tasting that wine which so used to make u sing :)

The magic was there like while it started,
And all was beautiful while it lasted,
I still miss all the time we wasted;

Solitude reminds me of u,now, more than ever before;

You have left a void hard to fill,a void so big ,i think, would never fill................